What in your life right now has slapped you on the face? Is something going on that has apparently come out of no where and bitten you on the bum? Like your bank transferring thousands of your money to someone you didn't authorise them to, and then refusing to refund your money? Or something even more inconvenient? Whatever that is for you, when you find you're trapped in an "OMG this is terrible" cycle of stress and worry ask "What's right about this that I'm not getting?" And keep asking it over and over, even if you don't believe it or feel it. What if there was ALWAYS something right about a "bad" situation? Like finding a bank that was even cheaper and offered much better service? How does it get any better?
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Do relationships puzzle you? Do you try to solve them, like a jigsaw that always seems to be missing a few pieces? Do you approach them using goal-oriented business systems, pursuing someone certain that your coaching will make them all they can be? Do you decide on the sort of person who should fill in your life, then try to jam them into it regardless of whether they fit or not. Or do you try to fit into the other person's life and in the process, divorce yourself from you? Do your strategies work? If not, and you'd like to create something different, ask “Would this person add to my life?” Looking for a relationship as something that adds to your life shifts you out of perpetual puzzle. You are no longer the incomplete jigsaw looking for your missing piece, nor are you the missing piece trying to fit into someone else’s puzzle. You and they are complete, both seeking to add to each others lives. Then, as you create the relationship, rather than expecting the person you wake up with to be the same one you went to bed with, ask questions like, “Who is this person going to be today?” and “Who are we and what grand and glorious adventures can we have?” How much fun could relationships be if you started from here?
*** Like to read more on this? Read the full article here. Have you lived most or your life feeling “wrong”? No matter what you do, think or say, do you judge and censure yourself constantly, trying to figure out whether it is right or wrong? Are you stuck in a loop of defending against and fighting for things, constructing barriers with others to prove something is right or wrong? Do you tie yourself up in knots making yourself wrong for everything? If you'd like to step out of this loop, start here. First remind yourself that right and wrong are “interesting points of view” and ask yourself “who do these points of view come from?” about any views you seems stuck on. When others come to you seeking a fight, say “yes, you are right....” and when you notice your barriers coming up ask “What if being wrong was right?” What change could you create by acknowledging the diversity of points of view? What if there were freedom in being wrong?
*** Thanks to Susanna Mittermaier for this great question. |
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